Paranormal in my Life (part 2)

When I was six, my mother became severly ill. She was taken to a city hospital and admitted there. Our village did not have proper healthcare facilities that time. She used to cry every night because she was away from me. Leaving a six year old at home with father was little scary as my father used to work at office. He arranged a part time caretaker for me. One night my mother got very depressed and restless. She saw a nurse dressed in white coming to her. She was aunt Tina. (Aunt Tina was infertile and had died of TB a few months ago. Her husband left her as she had TB and could not bear kids.) She came to my mother smiling. "Look, you have a baby daughter and a loving husband. Life is waiting for you. You need to recover and come out of this depression." She disappeared after that as if she was dissolved in air. Mother started showing signs of recovery and was discharged within a few days. She still remembers this part of her life. Late aunt only came to give her motivation and be a survivor in life. (These are NOT dreams).

Paranormal in my Life (part 1)

At times we deal with supernatural and paranormal stuff in life. Such things happen rarely on special days and spacial nights. A strange incident happened with me when I was thirteen. It was a very cold and dark night. There was a very old grave yard near my house. Most of the graves were in very bad shape. I was restless and went to the park. There was a very old swing there, made from wood logs. I saw a man dressed in a white robed gown, humming a song and sitting on it. His body was all covered. I was curious and wanted to know who he was. He said very few words. "Please do something about these graves. Most of them have levelled up. People keep walking on them." He disappeared after that. He was dissolved in air. When I came back home, I could not believe my eyes. Next day, I told my father about the message and asked him to talk to higher authorities. Who ever he was, he just came with the message of not disturbing his fellows. After that day, a big fence was put around that area and public passing was made prohibited.

If given a chance Again

A rebirth is always there. If I am given a chance again to reborn and recreate my life, what it could be? I would like change to change certain things. 1) I ll choose a profession where I am able to help people openly. I ll choose a profession where I am fulfilling my soul mission too. 2) I ll cut out all the options with third parties and triangles. I ll love to have a relationship where a man shares his life, goals, time, vision and home with me. I ll never be a second choice of someone. I ll never be second woman in a relationship. 3) About looks and myself, I am content with what I am. I ll choose the same family as I am not fond of orthodox families. 4) I am content with most of the things in my life.

Lessons from paternal great grandmother

This is about my paternal great grandmother. That means par dadi in Urdu. Well, the huntress type was always there inside her. She was a widow who lived independently at village. That is not the suppressed or grieved widow archetype. In early forties, this archetype was rare. She used to eat raw food. She used to ride a horse and she was a sharp shooter. Once her workers came to her with a complain of jackals destroying her crops. She was angry as jackals were a threat to her crops and domestic animals. They were killing her hens too. At night, she took out her rifle and shot a few of the wild beasts. She used to kill wild snakes with her boots. No one could harrass her despite being a widow. No man could even stare at her in a lusty way. Men used to lower their gaze when she was out in the fields. She lost her son in an accident, but never had a grieved mentality. She was not a damsel in distress. She used to wear big hunting boots. This was the epitome of true wild divine feminine who knew how to protect herself. She was self sufficient. She was a warrior. She was a survivor. She was very hospitable and generous. The lessons she gave me are: 1) Never be a gold digger. Be self sufficient and create your own resources instead of relying on a male. 2) Protect your loved ones. The loved ones can be your domestic animals, children or innocent that need protection. 3) Learn martial arts. Physical training is important. Learn defense skills. 4) Work with men but keep healthy and straight forward boundaries with them. Keep an attitude that no one develops lust for you. 5) Motherhood is important. Tap into your wild raw instincts. Connect with mother nature. See the gifts of mother nature. 6) Follow sacred law. Do not surrender to wrong expectations of society. Not all rules are made to be followed. At times we need to make and follow our own rules. 7) A widow is not a needy person nor a victim. She can use her power wisely. Strength of character is always welcomed. 8) Life is a contant battle. The world is a war place. Keep fighting till end. Learn the importance of home cooked fresh meals. Cook fresh food each day. Do not eat very old food. 9) Learn the importance of organic foods. Taste the raw butter that a woman makes at home. Taste the wholewheat bread. Taste those thick rice. Avoid processed foods as much as possible. 10) No man should be able to exploit you in any way. We are born in a society where woman is treated like a product. Never surrender to that. Do not rely on a man. Marriage is ok but do not rely too much on it. Create your own resources. Connect with roots but stay independent.

A Land of Broken Dreams

I landed into a land of broken dreams in my early twenties. I just want to share how things started for me. When I crossed 20, mother was extremely worried about me as she became a mom at 20. She arranged many proposals but nothing worked. Mostly people were not ok with my looks. Some people were not ok with our small house. Some people were not ok with my studying at a professional university. Mostly men were taken in social setups of my family. An uncle of mine finally arranged a proposal for me. I was 23 and he was a divorced man of 40. My parents were not ok with the age difference and background of man. Mostly proposals were from married men. Things never worked with him and ended in breakup. Mostly I grew up with thoughts of settling in my early twenties. I thought life would be a fairy tale for me. I never thought of marrying already married men. I never thought of entering into a love triangle. I was never ok with the thought of being a second choice of some married dude. I always someone who was made for me. But things never worked this way. As time passed, I turned little rebellious and masculine. That was not what i wanted from life. I never had a fairytale in mind but this was not my wish. Most of my dreams shattered with time. Proposals from married men of two kids, four kids etc. No, I never wanted that. I chose a higher power in the end. This sour idea of relationship was never an ideal one for me. This was never wanted. Every women dreams of a partner who is available for her.

A Love Triangle

In media, we have seen many stories of love trianges where men were married with kids and still had another relationship.I am not writing this post with a religious mindset. I wish to highlight the social side of such relationships. In a country like ours, the marriage clock stops ticking after 25. Girls enter into relationship or marriage with married men. Usually women in their late thirties or forties go for such relationships. Men around them are usually married. Choosing a totally single life is ok. I see many women around me who opt for such relationships because of many reasons. 1) Women in late thirties are not chosen as wife by men around them. A man in late thirties chooses a wife ten years younger than him. Our culture is like this. 2) Women in late thirties, who are single moms or widows are not chosen by single men of this age. Men in late thirties want to invest in women around mid twenties. 3) Women have lot of pressure from families. From where to find a bachelor for you daughter? Women who are living with brothers and bhabis face that. Bhabis usually are not ready to keep a single nand. Even if she is independent, buying a separate house isnt possible. 4) Women who are out of child bearing age are not chosen by men. They are ok as second spouse. 5) Rishta auntys and marriage bureaus will only refer married men to you. Widowers and divorced men have very high demands. Even a widower of 60 looks for a young girl of 19. Divorced men have very high demands too. 6) Many women around me are married off to married men unhappily. They always dreamed of a single partner as girls. A woman around me is single and 44. She is not ok with proposals of married men and has chosen a very solitary life. She lives alone. She has no parents and no family. 7) Another girl around me is 22. Her fiance died when she was 19. She was married off to an aged man but he divorced her. After two mishaps, she was married off to a father of four kids. It was not her wish. 8) An aunt of mine married twice and became a widow twice. Her financial condition was very poor. At 58, a man offered her second marriage and she said yes. 9) A friend of mine is divorced with a kid. No man is ready to accept her as she has crossed mid thirties now. Her mother tried to find a widower for her but their demands were damn high. She keeps telling her parents that she is ok alone with her kid. Her mother is ok with proposal of a married man. 10) As per in my case, from a very young age i started attracting proposals from married men. My parents were looking for a single dude. Time passed and things did not change. Even today, I keep rejecting proposals from married men. I never dreamt of such a useless relationship in my teens. I never dreamt of a married partner in my teens. This side of relationship was unexplored for me. I ll cover in another post how things worked for me. I never wanted to be a second option of some married dude. What I mean to say is that no woman opts for such relationships happily. It is pressure from society or circumstances that lead to this path. No triangle is a happy one. Most of the times it is forced. If you have good financial condition and stability, choose a lonely path. A triangle is never a happy one for both the women in it.

Lessons from maternal grandmother

My maternal grandmother was a seer and mystic. She could see many things and predict events before time. People used to call her a witch and sorcress. Most of her predictions came true. She opposed the marriage of my uncles with her nieces. In those days, family marriages were common but she never wanted her nieces as daughter in law. She told her sons that she senses something very fatal and they should call off the relationship. But she never told exactly what she saw. She passed away in 1978. My mamus married after her death and they repent that even today. Their children develop a liver disorder and pass away with that.I have lost three cousins of mine like that. One died at 23, other died at 26 and one died at 33. She married her daughters to cousins but in the case of her sons, she was not in favor of cousin marriage. Cousins marriages were common in those times. She only opposed the cousin marriage of her sons. Even today, my uncles are in deep grief after loss of children. She predicted a very happy and ideal marriage of my mother with my father. She even predicted a very successful marriage of my khala with her cousin. This also came true. She even predicted her husband marrying a much younger woman after her death. This also came true. She arranged marriage of her orphan sister as she thought it was a perfect match. The match was even more than perfect. My grandmother dadi found two proposals for my phupis. She invited both the boys and invited my grandma nani too. She stared at them and approved both of them. These are words of my phupha. (She kept staring at us and she had dangerous big eyes. I was so scared and I could not look into her eyes anymore. She was scanning our souls.) She predicted divorce of her brother in law too. She sensed a new wedding for him. This came true as well. She had an idea that she would pass away in her fifties. She passed away at 55.

Lessons from Grandmother

1) Live life colorfully. Live life to fullest. 2) Do not waste food. Never throw food in garbage. 3) Do not depend on anyone. At the age of 95, she used to make her own pickles, jams and chutneys. She created her own happiness. 4) Get in touch with people. She was always in touch with relatives and knew more than us. 5) Stay in touch with your roots. Fashion and makeup is important for a woman. I remember even in her 90s, she used to dye her hair and practice skin care. 6) Never fall for a man who is not interested in marriage. Never fall for unrequited relationship. 7) Tradtion is important but it is ok to be a rebel sometimes. Tradition some times destroys our lives. She got married in 50s when women used to cover their face for months after marriage. She ended that tradition. 8) While looking for a proposal, always choose partner from a good family and nice family back ground. Money is not that important but background of your partner matter a lot. 9) It is ok to be alone than going for a bad relationship. 10) Always nurture your inner child no matter how old you are. Good clothes and nice dressup is always important. 11) Family gathering are important and basic functions should never be missed. Meeting relatives is important. 12) The importance of carrying a legacy. She carried on the legacy established by my great grandfather. She kept running the school till her 90s.

Lessons from mother

Our parents are always important for us. Some precious lessons I learnt from my mother. 1) Importance of prayers: Prayers and surrendering to a higher power is always important, no matter how big your worries are. 2) Gratitude: You have food, shelter, water and a home. There are people in the world who sleep with empty stomach. There are children who sleep on foot paths. For all the blessings, gratitude is amust. 3) Charity: Donate your old clothes, shoes and accessories to needy. Feed birds and stray animals. Support old relatives if they are not doing well financially. 4) Educate a child: You can take funding education of a child around you. You can donate money to orphan schools and children homes. 5) Cook: Even if you have the finest chefs in the world, learn to cook and serve. Basic cooking must be taught at a young age. 6) Grandparents: Your grandparents are as important as your parents. Mother of your husband is important. (Our grandmother lives with us as she is bedridden) 7) Dowry: If you have extra money, donate some of it to girls who are about to get married. If you have widows around you, you can help them too. 8) Nurture good relationships in life and leave the toxic ones out. Always choose stability over temporary relationships. Leave a place where you are not respected or cared for. 9) Reception: Always be receptive to good things in life. Believe in miracles and have faith. God's plan is always better and bigger than what we plan for. 10) Keep a good circle of friends or stay alone. Stay away from bad company or people who misguide you. 11) Gut instinct: Follow your feminine intuition and gut feeling. You will instantly know what is good or bad for you. 12) Household chores: Mother taught me how to wash clothes when I was 3. 13) Creativity: Create something everyday. A piece of art, flower work, painting, baking, culinary arts. Tap into creativity and work.

Lessons from Father

Over a period of time, I learnt many soulful lessons from my father. It does not sound like being a patriarch but some lessons were hard to learn. 1) Learn to say no. Being assertive was the first lesson I was taught. Keeping strong boundaries was important from a young age. 2) Always stand for yourself. Never settle for less and know your self worth. You deserve all the good things in life. Do not settle for something because you have societal pressure. 3) Check your gut feeling. You can simply know in ten minutes if an office friend or collegue is only passing time with you. If that is so, stay away and do not fall for it. At the end of it, you will only feel worthless. 4) Be careful while choosing people around you. At college or institutes, where coeducation is common, maintain a friendly but ethical distance with male collegues. Same applies with male teachers too. 5) Stand on your own two feet and do not expect a prince charming to come on a horse and offer you marriage. Build your own empire. 6) Education is your first priority. No matter if you get a prince charming or not, you must complete your education. And keep learning new things every day. 7) Learn self defense and how to protect your self. This includes strength training and martial arts. Do not be a damsel in distress. Life does not end with one bad relationship. Keep fighting till end. Your voice matters and do not let anyone disrespect you. 8) Do not let any one take you for granted. Stay silent where words are not needed. Deal with pressure calmly. No one should take your softness as weakness. 9) Do not let anyone play games with you or exploit you. If some man around you is serious, ask him to involve parents and proceed ethically. 10) Stick to your life goals. Create a new goal when one goal ends. Choose your path wisely. Learn to rise after failure. Build a strong connection with God.

Vibrational Alignment

I was planning to write on this issue. This topic is a part of my spiritual journey. How and why are soulmates align for marriage? I found the analysis very interesting. I have so many examples around me where I see two people alingning and starting a life together. Soul mates align at a specific vibration and specific time. The alignment which brings them together is more important. All of these marriages are highly successful. Case1: I shall start off with my parents as mother was engaged somewhere else and father too was engaged somewhere else. Both had a broken engagement before getting married. They were aligned. Case2: My uncle had a son who got married at 28. After two kids, wife left him and he started living off as a single dad for ten years. He came across a single mom of two kids. This boy had one son and one daughter. Single mom also had one son and one daughter. Now they are happily married and its a happy family now. Case3: A woman around me never pays full money and is a big fraud. Her husband is a bigger fraud as he has taken money from many people and never returned. Case4: A lady around me is highly religious and shes married to a man even more religious than her. The match keeps them together. Case5: Three of my female cousins are army doctors, being daughters of an army man. They are married to army doctors, being sons of army men. Vibrational match is perfect. Case6: A chubby lady around me (sorry for being judgemental), is married to even a chubbier dude. Both are happy and both eat a lot. Case7: A aunt of mine went abroad to pursue her medical studies. She belonged to feudal class. She came across a boy who also came to pursue medical studies, from feudal background. Both married and lived happily. Case8: A sports anchor around me has married an athlete woman and both are happily married. Sports is the joint vibration which keeps them together. Case9:Another couple around me is very jolly and extrovert. Both are social butterflies, both love adventures, both share similar goals and visions. Case10: An mba friend of mine is daughter of a general. She came across a boy in mba class who was also son of a general. Both are happily married. Perfect vibration. Case11: A couple around me is highly petite. Both husband and wife are very short. They look so cute together. These are all power couples based on perfect alignment. Casual flirts and player boys do not fall under this category. So many cases around me and the blog will continue. As I have noticed it, I have never had any alignment with anyone so far. Education does not match with anyone. Looks do not match with anyone. Family background does not match with anyone. I do not have shared goals or a shared vision with anyone. Forming a power couple is too far away for me. The basic things do not even match with any one yet. At times I wonder why would an aunt send me proposal of a father of three kids, with different education and background? I never found any alignment here. Not even a general interest I would say. I am curious to see who is aligned with me. The blog continues...

The Price of Solitude

After passing away of model and actress Humaira Ali, many questions arise. Many questioned her staying alone. Many questioned her profession. Many questioned her choices. Many did not like her lifestyle. At this age of life, we cannot question and judge why someone chose a certain career or loneliness. Some people like to keep their life private and stay an introvert.No one can know how much trauma someone is going through. Why someone left family? Why someone went into isolation? It is very hard to answer these whys. At times people ask me to marry and leave solitude but let me remind you that husband and marriage isn't for everyone. After thirties and forties, it is almost impossible to find a single available dude, as most of the mald friends in your circle are already married with kids. In your twenties, things never worked in arranged setups beacuse of heavy demands from boy and his family. My question is: Does having a relationship or marriage solve this problem? At least you have someone around you when you die. In my humble opinion, marriage is also not a solution. For an aged widow or divorced woman without kids and parents. Humera ali is not the first case. Remember beautiful Parveen Babi who died alone in her house. Nalni Jaywant and Geeta Kapoor died lonely deaths. Silk smitha was found dead in her flat. The importance of household and family arises here. Staying alone and away from family is dangerous. I belong to media too but I chose to stay with my family. Our career and our profession is our choice but staying alone isnt recommended. In case if you are unable to marry or the biological clock has ticked for your marriage and starting a family, you need to create a good social circle or adopt a child. Actress Ayesha khan, despite having kids died a lonely death. So what is the solution then? Geeta Kapoor had two kids and died alone. I see many parents dying alone these days as their children are in other cities or countries. I can not suggest or find any solution to this problem. Most of us choose an introvert and solitary path because people make our lives hell. Social circles are also toxic as you are a questionable object there. I left many circles as I was only asked about staying single. That was becoming heavy on my nerves. You can not tell people again and again that the boy's mother did not like your curly hair. You can not tell people that the boy's mother did not like your tall physique. I chose solitude because peace was important for me. The story continues....No answer to this question...

Choice is yours

Life is always a choice for a woman. Relationship is also a choice for a woman. 1) If you choose to marry at a young age, you must know that you will make many silly mistakes for which you will not be forgiven. 2) If you choose to marry in an arranged setup, you must know that the guy will be unknown to you and many aspects of his personality will be shocking for you. 3) If you choose to marry an unemployed dude, you must realize that he will feed on your income and will need lots of financial support. 4) If you choose to marry a very well established and successful dude, you must realize that you will always be treated low. Your self esteem will be shattered after some time. 5) If you choose to marry a very handsome and prince charming kind man, you should be ready to cope with his affairs and girl friends too. 6) If you choose to marry a very religious man, your services will be cloaked in religion as you will miss many aspects of grounded life. 7) If you choose to marry a rich dude and be his trophy wife, you are living life as a puppet only. You are dressing, eating and living according to his requirements. 8) If you marry an average looking dude, you will always be blamed for for your beauty and its misusage. He will only accuse you for having imaginary affairs with men, because he is complexed about his looks. 9) If you marry a dude much younger than you, always be prepared that he will leave you some day over a younger girl, accusing you for infertility, old age and youthful pleasures. 10) If you marry a widower, you must know that shadows of his deceased wife are still haunting him. He is still attached to her and might keep comparing you to his old wife. Get ready to fight with a shadow. 11) If you choose to marry a very older dude, you must realize that he might pass away and will come with nothing. His emotions, passions and fires are all gone. After his demise, you will be kicked out by step children. 12) If you choose to have relationship with a married dude, you must realize that his wife and children are his first priority. You are only a 'side chick' for him. He will never give you the space you want in your life. Most of your dreams will be unfulfilled. 13) If you choose to marry your blood cousin, you must be prepared for medically unfit kids. Cousin marriages bring lots of genetic diseases. 14) If you choose to marry after forties, you must know that biological clock to start a family has gone down. No pregnancy is possible at this age. The dude you are marrying must know that babies cant happen at this age. 15) If you choose to marry a widower with kids, you must know that you are only an educated servant to his kids. 16) Lastly, if you choose to stay alone and single, get ready for something very serious. Get ready for people questioning you and your sexuality. You don't have any engagement ring, you don't have any wedding bells. You don't have have any wedding dress to wear. You don't have any wedding album to share. You don't have any husband stories to share with anyone. You don't have any honeymoon memories. You are missing motherhood and kids. If you have a social circle where your friends are married, you might feel depressed. On a darker note, some male friends will try to flirt with you as an option, since you are available. 17) If you choose to marry via a marriage center, they will never contact you after taking money. It is a very old tactic. 18) If you form a relationship with a player, you must know that things will never manifest into real marriage. So choice is yours now...