Keeping a Middle Ground

I see many debates on social media around choosing between arranged or love marriage. Keeping it practical and grounded, I would recommend a middle ground. Going for a typical arranged marriage is very scary these days as nothing is known about the other person. People boast a lot and hide many basic facts. Just quoting an example, my first marriage was a highly arranged one where I did not know anything about the guy. My mother had a traditional mindset and believed that first proposal of a girl was the biggest blessing. It should never be rejected. This mindset ruined my life. In those days, investigation was not possible as social media platforms were not there. (2002 era). It was almost impossible to investigate about a boy and his family. Only basic things like appearance, height, education could be known. He told his age as 29 which turned out to be 39. He told about having a family of three children, turned out to be a family of seven siblings. The worst was being a golddigger and demanding a house. Due to lack of interest in me and support from his overly greedy parents, things ended badly. In order to avoid such issues, I suggest meeting a few times ethically is enough. Social media is there these days. You can discuss and get to know what he or she thinks. You do not need to go to a foreign country etc. You can keep your dignity and still investigate things. A typical arranged marriage is a blind dungeon these days. If you think that he or she is not aligned with you, you can refuse and leave. This does not give trauma that you face after a breakup in arranged marriages. I met some people after that and instantly knew within a few days that they were only killing time. Some were players, some were overly religious. Some of them only wanted a relationship without nikah. Some were full of lust and greed. Following a middle ground is always the best approach. It saves you from unwanted trauma and pain.