Whom to Blame: Mothers or Sons?

On a fine evening of June, an uncle of mine called us a and said,

“Bhabhi, it’s a very good proposal. The guy is an officer in air force. His parents are very good and open minded. They have allowed him to marry wherever he wants.”

After some formal questions and answers, Sunday was confirmed as the meeting date. My parents ask uncle to bring the boy’s family too but he said that the boy told him that his family was quite open and he wanted to see the girl first. They came on Sunday, the tea and meeting went OK. The boy showed some kind of likeliness. My parents asked him to bring his parents next time. We were living at our F-6 house, which was officially given to us. Next Sunday, the family came and they were in a good mood. His father started asking questions like,

“How many houses do you have? How many acres of land do you have? Do you hold American nationality?”

 They initially thought that we were living in our own house in F-6. Upon knowing, that it was an official one, a shade came on their faces. They left without saying a word. Next day, when uncle called he said that the boy was like that his mother wasn’t willing, so it was a rejection from their side. Upon asking the boy, he said that he didn’t want to take the curse (bu-dua) of his mother. So it’s a ‘No’ from his side. Upon knowing our financial status, he simply put the blame on his parents. The same boy got married to an American Nationality holder girl after a year and his family didn’t say anything. Where was this curse when he first asked uncle to show him some girls from good families? I mean it is good to obey parents but where was this obedience when he was visiting ours and some other homes? Where did this obedience go when he chose a girl with American nationality? If he was that obedient, he should have left the matter to his parents.

Another reference sent a family to our place. The boy was abroad. So his family came to visit us. They came twice to our place. They thought that it was our own house that we lived in. Upon knowing that it was a rented one, they made a bad face and left. When the reference asked his mother, she replied,

 “Well, my son would come in December. He would decide what kind of girl he wants to marry.”

The reference got really annoyed and told her,

“If it is your son who has to decide then why are you asking me about different girls? I have sent you to four different houses and now you are putting it on your son. Let your son come and I can show him the girls. “

Another elder lady of family sent a lady to our house. Her son was also abroad. She came first with her younger son. Then she came with her younger son and her niece second time. I simply couldn’t understand what she was looking for. She went back after having a wonderful tea twice at our place. She called and told my mother,

“Well, my son is abroad. Let me ask him what kind of girl he likes. I can’t say anything.”

A renowned lady sent a family to our place in 2003. She first came with the lady who was boy’s bhabi’s mother. (See such a long reference). The next time she came with the boy’s parents, younger sister, his sister-in-law’s siblings, and some other people too. I remember there were eight people. In so many people, boy was missing. The boy’s father started asking about my American nationality. They didn’t say anything and left. Next day the reference called us and said,

“The boy’s mother is like that she would ask her son.”

The reference further told us that the boy got engaged to a beautiful doctor from Army medical college. She broke the engagement and left him. The boy doesn’t want to marry after that. If he doesn’t want to marry, why is the family wasting our time and looking for different girls?

Another lady came whose son was in Saudi Arabia. She came with three women and left saying,

“My son is very choosy, he would decide.”

 What I mean to say is that people make their own minds and then put the blame on others. If it is a boy who wants to back out, he simply puts the blame on his mother and use curse as a justification. Similarly, if parents want to reject, they put blame on their sons. If their sons hold such a valued weight age and they give some kind of value to them too, why don’t they bring them? Secondly if the sons have to decide, why are the families searching for different girls? It’s a lame excuse that people make, putting allegations the other party. This shows our ethical and moral standards that we follow. These are the people who say before a visit that their sons have left this matter to them and are happy with the parents’ choice.  After a visit, they say that let their sons decide about the girl and never respond back.  At least, if you have to find an excuse, find a logical and better one.