My Demands In a Relationship

Miracles keep happening everyday. Trust should always be there. At times, many people ask me what kind of partner I always wanted. Were my demands too high? In fact I had the least demands. But a person with such traits was never there. Well, I became the person I always wanted. She never found a hero so she became the one. I kept developing all the traits I wanted in a partner. 1) Availability: (This was the most required trait as I never got someone who was available for me. Marriage centers were full of dudes looking for second wife, in presence of first. Marriage auntys only referred married men to me. That was not my demand. 2) More masculinity: I am not fond of men who exhibit feminine energies too much. I am not fond of men with short heights. Myself being 5.7 in height, I could not marry a man with height of 5.2. 3) Not a gold digger: I am not a gold digger neither I demanded a person with a greedy mindset. 4) Good background: This matters a lot for me. 5) Hygiene: I care a lot about physical, emotional and spiritual hygiene. I am not fond of someone with long nails and untidy getup. Taking showers everyday and staying clean is very important for me. 6) Shared goals and similar mindset: I got some proposals from dudes who wanted me to be overly religious, leave work and wear abaya. I am moderate. 7) Looks: Looks are always important for me. I always preferred an age difference of 3 to four years. I am not fond of very old or very young partner. My first (and only) relationship did not work as the man was eighteen years older than me. 8) Serious minded: Player boys and short time flirts have never been my wish. Mostly men outside are only into short term flirting. People at matrimonial websites are only killing time without involving families. (I have no interest in exes of a partner, past relationships, bank balance, smoking, not having a house of his own kind things.)

Paranormal in my life part 3

We used to live at our village back in 80s. My cousin and I studied at the same school. I had celebrated my 8th birthday and my cousin was 6. We used to cross a beautiful river while going to school. Mother nature was always beautiful. I used to catch fish too. There was no bridge on that river and things were peaceful and beautiful everyday. We used to step on river stones in order to cross the river. Life was beautiful. Mother nature was smiling. One day I woke up and left for school. When I was about to cross the river, I saw an old man chopping wood. He was dressed in plain village kind clothes. He had white beard and his eye brows were white too. "Child, skip the school today. This river will be heavily flooded tonight and you won't be able to come back. Avoid coming to this area for a week." His warning was strange as it had never happened before in two years. Floods and river? I looked at the sky. It was all blue. The sun was shining brightly. I stepped back and came back home with my cousin. I told mom about the warning old man gave me. That night, river was flooded heavily and I could even hear flowing waters. Our house was built on a hill. I could see the river and school from my window. Transportation and communication was blocked for a week. Villagers used to use the word " darya charh gaya hey". Things came to normal after a week. I wanted to know about that old man. I never saw that man before that. He was a stranger. One of my friends at school told me that an old man used to live near that river but he had passed away some years ago. He was a carpenter. I tried to explain to people how he looked. I never saw him after that day. Mine was a small village and mostly people were known to me. God always sends someone to save you.

Paranormal in my Life (part 2)

When I was six, my mother became severly ill. She was taken to a city hospital and admitted there. Our village did not have proper healthcare facilities that time. She used to cry every night because she was away from me. Leaving a six year old at home with father was little scary as my father used to work at office. He arranged a part time caretaker for me. One night my mother got very depressed and restless. She saw a nurse dressed in white coming to her. She was aunt Tina. (Aunt Tina was infertile and had died of TB a few months ago. Her husband left her as she had TB and could not bear kids.) She came to my mother smiling. "Look, you have a baby daughter and a loving husband. Life is waiting for you. You need to recover and come out of this depression." She disappeared after that as if she was dissolved in air. Mother started showing signs of recovery and was discharged within a few days. She still remembers this part of her life. Late aunt only came to give her motivation and be a survivor in life. (These are NOT dreams).

Paranormal in my Life (part 1)

At times we deal with supernatural and paranormal stuff in life. Such things happen rarely on special days and spacial nights. A strange incident happened with me when I was thirteen. It was a very cold and dark night. There was a very old grave yard near my house. Most of the graves were in very bad shape. I was restless and went to the park. There was a very old swing there, made from wood logs. I saw a man dressed in a white robed gown, humming a song and sitting on it. His body was all covered. I was curious and wanted to know who he was. He said very few words. "Please do something about these graves. Most of them have levelled up. People keep walking on them." He disappeared after that. He was dissolved in air. When I came back home, I could not believe my eyes. Next day, I told my father about the message and asked him to talk to higher authorities. Who ever he was, he just came with the message of not disturbing his fellows. After that day, a big fence was put around that area and public passing was made prohibited.

If given a chance Again

A rebirth is always there. If I am given a chance again to reborn and recreate my life, what it could be? I would like change to change certain things. 1) I ll choose a profession where I am able to help people openly. I ll choose a profession where I am fulfilling my soul mission too. 2) I ll cut out all the options with third parties and triangles. I ll love to have a relationship where a man shares his life, goals, time, vision and home with me. I ll never be a second choice of someone. I ll never be second woman in a relationship. 3) About looks and myself, I am content with what I am. I ll choose the same family as I am not fond of orthodox families. 4) I am content with most of the things in my life.

Lessons from paternal great grandmother

This is about my paternal great grandmother. That means par dadi in Urdu. Well, the huntress type was always there inside her. She was a widow who lived independently at village. That is not the suppressed or grieved widow archetype. In early forties, this archetype was rare. She used to eat raw food. She used to ride a horse and she was a sharp shooter. Once her workers came to her with a complain of jackals destroying her crops. She was angry as jackals were a threat to her crops and domestic animals. They were killing her hens too. At night, she took out her rifle and shot a few of the wild beasts. She used to kill wild snakes with her boots. No one could harrass her despite being a widow. No man could even stare at her in a lusty way. Men used to lower their gaze when she was out in the fields. She lost her son in an accident, but never had a grieved mentality. She was not a damsel in distress. She used to wear big hunting boots. This was the epitome of true wild divine feminine who knew how to protect herself. She was self sufficient. She was a warrior. She was a survivor. She was very hospitable and generous. The lessons she gave me are: 1) Never be a gold digger. Be self sufficient and create your own resources instead of relying on a male. 2) Protect your loved ones. The loved ones can be your domestic animals, children or innocent that need protection. 3) Learn martial arts. Physical training is important. Learn defense skills. 4) Work with men but keep healthy and straight forward boundaries with them. Keep an attitude that no one develops lust for you. 5) Motherhood is important. Tap into your wild raw instincts. Connect with mother nature. See the gifts of mother nature. 6) Follow sacred law. Do not surrender to wrong expectations of society. Not all rules are made to be followed. At times we need to make and follow our own rules. 7) A widow is not a needy person nor a victim. She can use her power wisely. Strength of character is always welcomed. 8) Life is a contant battle. The world is a war place. Keep fighting till end. Learn the importance of home cooked fresh meals. Cook fresh food each day. Do not eat very old food. 9) Learn the importance of organic foods. Taste the raw butter that a woman makes at home. Taste the wholewheat bread. Taste those thick rice. Avoid processed foods as much as possible. 10) No man should be able to exploit you in any way. We are born in a society where woman is treated like a product. Never surrender to that. Do not rely on a man. Marriage is ok but do not rely too much on it. Create your own resources. Connect with roots but stay independent.

A Land of Broken Dreams

I landed into a land of broken dreams in my early twenties. I just want to share how things started for me. When I crossed 20, mother was extremely worried about me as she became a mom at 20. She arranged many proposals but nothing worked. Mostly people were not ok with my looks. Some people were not ok with our small house. Some people were not ok with my studying at a professional university. Mostly men were taken in social setups of my family. An uncle of mine finally arranged a proposal for me. I was 23 and he was a divorced man of 40. My parents were not ok with the age difference and background of man. Mostly proposals were from married men. Things never worked with him and ended in breakup. Mostly I grew up with thoughts of settling in my early twenties. I thought life would be a fairy tale for me. I never thought of marrying already married men. I never thought of entering into a love triangle. I was never ok with the thought of being a second choice of some married dude. I always someone who was made for me. But things never worked this way. As time passed, I turned little rebellious and masculine. That was not what i wanted from life. I never had a fairytale in mind but this was not my wish. Most of my dreams shattered with time. Proposals from married men of two kids, four kids etc. No, I never wanted that. I chose a higher power in the end. This sour idea of relationship was never an ideal one for me. This was never wanted. Every women dreams of a partner who is available for her.